Please read

Halo,

My mind is stuck now.

Few weeks ago, Sebastian came to ask me, whether i want to go to Bangladesh for a mission trip. Then, i thought for a while, and i say :"yes, why not?". I mean, AT THAT MOMENT, i thought that would be challenging, and it's a great chance to get some new experience, I was unclear about the trip, as Sebastian said he is going to tell Chee Keat, and i didn't ask further, because i don't know whether i have the chance to follow the trip.

It happened till just now, Chee Keat called me, said "I heard you WANT to go to the mission trip".
err,,, i was speechless a while on that time. Actually, i was asked to go, now somebody said that i want to go. I did not volunteer myself, but i was asked to go. Now, i seems that i volunteer myself and don't give any commitment.

Chee Keat might be right, as he said that, i was NOT committed to church, neither to service, any ministry, nor cell group. I have not been active in church. All this while, i was feeling down, i was less often join any church activities, but i never think of myself as "not committed". It's kinda hurt to hear him said that I'm not committed. But it is normal reaction, as I go cell meeting not regularly. But actually,,,, -----I wanted to go last week, i just really cant go away, as i was helping my dad, and i don't want to create any quarrel or fight of i just go off like that. Perhaps i don't know how to express myself n explain my situation to them. Again, last month i skipped a cell meeting, a Christmas pot bless gathering. Actually i had no time to think and buy food for the pot bless as i was cleaning my room, i was told at last minute. So, i ends up absent to the pot bless. I didn't told them my situation, I think they thought of me purposely don't want to go.

Perhaps, i don't know how to explain. Or I don't want to explain, lazy to explain, feel tired to explain. Seriously, i don't feel to explain. But, people would just judge me wrongly.

Back to the mission trip again, I never been to a mission trip, and i seriously don't know what should i prepare for it. And i think that Chee Keat is serious about this trip, neither I'm joking about this matter too.
One thing have to clarify, I really do not know what to do, and I'm actually waiting to be told what should i do.
I say yes, it's because of Matthew 17:20.

... "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

I just available myself, and God will prepare the path. I didn't ask what i can do, but i ask what can Holy Spirit do unto me.

I seriously need guidance, I pray, and please do pray for me.